Seeing and the big “F” word: forgiveness

forgiveness, health & wellness, Journaling, meditation, thoughts for living, Uncategorized

You know the feeling. You had a disagreement with another person and in your mind you forgave. You were able to forgive them because you ended your relationship with them.  But did you really forgive them or did you just forget them?

 The answer to that question will be revealed next time you unexpectedly run into them in a location you weren’t prepared for, such as your local grocery store. If your heart jumps and your stomach feels anxious, then the energy of the conflict hasn’t subsided and, frankly, you focused on the forgetting but not the forgiving.

So what do you do when you come across THAT person? Here are some options, only one of them recommended.

1. Turn around and pretend you didn’t see them.

2. Ram your shopping cart into the back of their legs and pretend you didn’t see them.

3. Walk by them as if they were invisible and pretend you didn’t see them, or

4. See them.

As uncomfortable as it is, facing THAT person is a response coming from a stance of self empowerment. Responding as a whipped puppy with your tail between your legs will only add to the dynamic belief you were on the losing end of the conflict. Instead, take a deep breath, open your eyes, both in your head and heart, and see the person in front of you. What you discover might surprise you about them and yourself.

Now, for the awkward moment. Does seeing them include speaking? Maybe. But certainly on your terms and not theirs. You can say hello, or nod your head and give a small smile (but not the smirk smile) and keep walking. If they initiate a conversation, such as, “how are you?” say, “I’m great!” and keep on walking.

So the moment has passed and you SAW them, what do you do next to FORGIVE them?

Here are some steps that may help you with the process of forgiveness.

1. Write the person a letter stating exactly what they did that hurt you. Journaling can be a therapeutic process which can help you “read your own mind.” Journaling does not have to be limited to words. Incorporating art or other visual elements are as effective in processing your feelings. (Do not send THAT person the letter, but it might help to read it to another supportive person who can keep a confidence.)

2. Pray and meditate on the concept of forgiveness. Sometimes, we aren’t ready to pray for THAT person, but we can start the process by quieting the thoughts that racket around like they are on a handball court by focusing on the theme of forgiveness.

3. When you are ready to move to the next stage, pray for good things for yourself and THAT person. This action is empowering because it gives you control. When you start, you don’t have to be sincere, but over time you may find yourself believing that both of you deserve the gift of a life filled with blessings.

4. Understand that the role of forgiveness isn’t to change THAT person as change may never happen to your expectations and demands, but it is there to heal you and give you a better quality of life.

Forgiveness is a voluntary choice with a process and while forgetting may be a component of it, that, in and of itself, isn’t an indication of healing. If a chance encounter with someone with whom you have had a dispute has rattled your psyche’s bones, then it may be time for you to say “Oh, Forgiveness” so the next time you encounter them you can “See” them.

gods-compassion

 

Hit bottom and rise up!

addiction, health & wellness, meditation, mindfulness, Social Trends, thoughts for living, Uncategorized

break open

My spiritual director/psychotherapist always thought it was a moment for celebration when someone appeared at his doorway in their lowest moment.

“When you hit bottom,” he would say, “then you can break open.”

As difficult and harrowing the journey to the bottom can be, hitting an emotional bottom is a moment of celebration. When a series of unhealthy choices finally shoves your ego off the cliff of a fantasy life, then you have a chance to break free and fully assess where you might go next. And at your most emotionally and mentally battered, you may be more open to the belief that choices you make on your own behalf will lead you to a pathway of peace and security.

Once you hit the valley and the shell of a fantasy existence has cracked open, you will be able to soak in the oxygen of a world who wants you as you are.

Love and light,
The Being Place

Getting out of a tight spot

health & wellness, meditation, mindfulness, thoughts for living, Uncategorized

miracle

“When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.” (Harriet Beecher Stowe)
Life can be a fickle, tricky business. When life pummels your heart and mind, it can be tempting to give up.  When you’re putting together the pieces of a broken heart, broken mind or broken life, sometimes the only remaining solution is to wait it out until it all fits back together.
Absolutely everything eventually changes. Your mind may try to convince you otherwise. But guaranteed, everything eventually changes.
Truthfully, sometimes the change can be a change for the worst. And even if that is the case, it, too, is temporary. Because everything eventually changes. So, if you are at a low point, what might you miss out on if you didn’t wait for the change? If you leave us, you will never know. And neither will we.
You don’t have to wait it out alone, though. You can if you want. But you don’t have to.  Who you ask to wait with you is important, though. Oftentimes we can speed up recovery if we cooperate with the helpers, and sometimes it takes the amount of time it takes. So the person who waits with you needs an extra dose of patience. And so do you.
Little by little absolutely everything changes. So please, don’t leave five minutes before your miracle change happens.
Love and light,
The Being Place
If you or someone you know is suffering from depression or thinking about suicide, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.

When you return to God, the love is even greater

health & wellness, meditation, thoughts for living, Uncategorized

I’ve been reading books from a variety of faith traditions. This passage from The Essential Kabbahlah particularly touched me. I need forgiveness and this was comforting to me that no matter how many mistakes I make, God will always take me back and love me even more than what He had before. No matter how many mistakes you’ve made, God will love you more, too. Love and light to all of you….

gods-compassion

What happened yesterday

health & wellness, meditation, mindfulness, thoughts for living, Uncategorized

gods-willA powerful suggestion I heard from someone older and wiser than me about how to figure out how to do God’s will today. Take a piece of paper and divide it into two columns. On the left side write out all of the things you hope to accomplish, big and small, such as having lunch with a friend or meeting a deadline on a work project. Leave the right side blank.

When you get to the end of the day, write out what actually happened. There you have it, that’s what God’s will for the day was. Call me if you need anything….and be careful out there.

Love can be tough and blind

addiction, health & wellness, holidays, thoughts for living, Trends, Uncategorized

m-scott-peck

Love is blind. This is somewhat true, but more realistically people can be blind to love, especially when others make a tough decision to step back to allow the natural order of things to occur.

Families oftentimes are placed in double (love) blind experiences when they are trying to find their way in helping someone recover from a drug addiction. The first function of a family is to support its children in learning skills, morals, and values. When addiction strikes a family member, normal approaches to building a thriving family unit can be affected. Oftentimes, a family member’s addiction will drive the individual to decisions which do not fall within the societal norms of morals or values.

Unknowingly, non addicted family members can be caught up in a perpetuation of fueling the addiction through co-dependent choices. A family member needs a ride somewhere and what caring family member wouldn’t give one? Or can they borrow a few bucks until they get paid? Saying no to simple requests seems petty and punitive. But within the illness of addiction, keeping the affected individual comfortable may literally be “loving them to death.”  People are only as sick as their own and other people’s secrets, and addiction is sneaky and secretive. People don’t know what they don’t know.

Before families realize what is happening, the constant conflict and anxiety created by addiction, has begun to break down the family unit. Substance abuse is a leading reason married couples seek divorces. When a child is the one suffering from addiction, families frequently cope with a degree of grief and anguish that only other families battling life-threatening diseases, such as cancer, can understand.

Consequently, all family members become blind to love. Underneath the person suffering from addiction is the valuable human being God created. But the manipulation and deceit of addiction destroys trust. In periods of sobriety, the restored family member resurfaces and others within the family welcome them but are confused themselves as to how they can so harshly judge a relative.

tough-loveEventually, family members may begin to see that trying to fix the consequences for their loved one’s addiction is making it worse for them and the addict. Yet, it is scary to relinquish control. The illusion for the non addict family member is they make better decisions because they are sober. However, if  consequences of some bad choices aren’t allowed to be experienced by an addict, then no motivation exists to change.

Addiction can and does kill and it can’t be cured. But it can be managed. Just as a family wouldn’t treat a loved one’s cancer, family’s ought not endeavor to manage another’s addiction. Working with professionals is as important for the family members who don’t suffer from addiction as it is for those with the illness.

When a family suffers from an illness, love is tough. Tough love may be the highest form of love one can offer another.

And when a family sees this, then addiction can no longer blind people to love.

 

 

 

Grow some fruit

health & wellness, meditation, mindfulness, thoughts for living, Uncategorized

fruits-of-the-spirit

Any effort you make to quiet your mind and allow a Higher Plane of Consciousness to emerge will develop personal characteristics which will be abundantly obvious to you and those around you. These qualities will grow prosperity in every segment of your life.  So how can you cultivate this connection?

  • Acknowledge and Trust you have the ability to access this part of consciousness. Some people believe God is Out There and others believe it’s Within. Wherever you believe God to Exist, give yourself the Gift of Access.
  • Choose a time each day to spend in the quiet. The ideal setting is one in which you aren’t multi-tasking. But if your schedule is so busy that the only time you have to reach out or in for God Consciousness is when you’re in the shower or on your commute, then by all means take that time.
  • Pick a phrase or visualize a location which helps reduce your feelings of pressure. Imagine there are no deadlines for you to meet and there’s no agenda for you to accomplish.
  • Breathe. Even if you think you’re breathing, take a breath to make sure.
  • Expect nothing during this time. The fruits will become abundant over time and you will notice them more and more as you go about your Daily Living Experiences.
  • Share what you do with others. Some may be receptive and others might not believe you. But speaking about your routine, will keep you committed to it.
  • Enjoy Your Fruits.

 

 

Is 2017 your year of abundance?

business, health & wellness, meditation, mindfulness, small business, Social Trends, thoughts for living, Uncategorized

shine

When I was a little girl I played with Suzy. Everyday was a play date with Suzy as we ran up and down the stairs of the white farm-house where I lived. In all ways, she was the best type of friend a 6-year-old girl could have: she let me choose all the games we played, she always did what I told her, she never hurt my feelings, and I always got to go first.

Was it the skill of her parents that taught Suzy to be the ideal friend? Or perhaps, at 6 years of age, she was just naturally kind, selfless, and considerate? Neither. Suzy didn’t exist–at least not to anyone but me. She was my invisible friend.

Her invisibility didn’t make her any less real to me although my parents probably thought it odd to hear me talking to someone who didn’t answer audibly to them. As I became older, I transitioned from playing with an invisible friend to trying to make myself invisible. Clumsy and nonathletic, I held up my hands to defend myself during Dodge Ball hoping the football players would have mercy on me as they slammed the balls across the mid line in the gym.  In high school, I signed up for algebra not realizing this subject was going to be explained to me by a fast-talking math whiz. As he rattled off questions to the class, I shrank down in my back row seat and looked away from the teacher so he wouldn’t call me. But no matter how much the teacher wanted to help me he wasn’t able to because I didn’t believe I could learn a subject foreign to me. Comprehending was invisible for me.

But like my friend, Suzy, the invisible is made visible once someone believes. It’s the disbelief that shrinks the possibility of what can be. Visibility is revealed in layers and for most of us our largest stage on which to appear is in the work arena. Some are overachievers; they work their way up the corporate ladder yet have a difficult time giving a hand to help the next person up the rung. These co-workers can be recognized by the way they snap at others or roll their eyes when asked for assistance on a project. Their inability to believe in abundance creates a protective shield around them with the end result of harm because they could help others but choose not to.  They believe their achievement will ultimately be stolen by those they help.

But then there are people who work at invisible jobs but their gratitude for what is makes them visible to all they encounter. There’s the convenience store clerk who makes sure she styles her hair and puts on makeup everyday and sincerely asks everyone she serves “what else can I do for you?”  When someone pauses for a moment to consider her existence and ask how she is, she responds: “fantastic.”

The difference between the two mindsets is the core belief within each. The former–despite her superficial success–believes there is lack and the other–within the humble position she holds– believes she has a special mission in the place she serves and she creates abundance where none or little existed. A core belief can be changed once someone makes the commitment to make visible the thoughts that have been invisible to them.

For 2017 what story will you believe in and act on: abundance or scarcity?