I’ve been reading books from a variety of faith traditions. This passage from The Essential Kabbahlah particularly touched me. I need forgiveness and this was comforting to me that no matter how many mistakes I make, God will always take me back and love me even more than what He had before. No matter how many mistakes you’ve made, God will love you more, too. Love and light to all of you….
A powerful suggestion I heard from someone older and wiser than me about how to figure out how to do God’s will today. Take a piece of paper and divide it into two columns. On the left side write out all of the things you hope to accomplish, big and small, such as having lunch with a friend or meeting a deadline on a work project. Leave the right side blank.
When you get to the end of the day, write out what actually happened. There you have it, that’s what God’s will for the day was. Call me if you need anything….and be careful out there.
Love is blind. This is somewhat true, but more realistically people can be blind to love, especially when others make a tough decision to step back to allow the natural order of things to occur.
Families oftentimes are placed in double (love) blind experiences when they are trying to find their way in helping someone recover from a drug addiction. The first function of a family is to support its children in learning skills, morals, and values. When addiction strikes a family member, normal approaches to building a thriving family unit can be affected. Oftentimes, a family member’s addiction will drive the individual to decisions which do not fall within the societal norms of morals or values.
Unknowingly, non addicted family members can be caught up in a perpetuation of fueling the addiction through co-dependent choices. A family member needs a ride somewhere and what caring family member wouldn’t give one? Or can they borrow a few bucks until they get paid? Saying no to simple requests seems petty and punitive. But within the illness of addiction, keeping the affected individual comfortable may literally be “loving them to death.” People are only as sick as their own and other people’s secrets, and addiction is sneaky and secretive. People don’t know what they don’t know.
Before families realize what is happening, the constant conflict and anxiety created by addiction, has begun to break down the family unit. Substance abuse is a leading reason married couples seek divorces. When a child is the one suffering from addiction, families frequently cope with a degree of grief and anguish that only other families battling life-threatening diseases, such as cancer, can understand.
Consequently, all family members become blind to love. Underneath the person suffering from addiction is the valuable human being God created. But the manipulation and deceit of addiction destroys trust. In periods of sobriety, the restored family member resurfaces and others within the family welcome them but are confused themselves as to how they can so harshly judge a relative.
Eventually, family members may begin to see that trying to fix the consequences for their loved one’s addiction is making it worse for them and the addict. Yet, it is scary to relinquish control. The illusion for the non addict family member is they make better decisions because they are sober. However, if consequences of some bad choices aren’t allowed to be experienced by an addict, then no motivation exists to change.
Addiction can and does kill and it can’t be cured. But it can be managed. Just as a family wouldn’t treat a loved one’s cancer, family’s ought not endeavor to manage another’s addiction. Working with professionals is as important for the family members who don’t suffer from addiction as it is for those with the illness.
When a family suffers from an illness, love is tough. Tough love may be the highest form of love one can offer another.
And when a family sees this, then addiction can no longer blind people to love.
Everyone needs a little encouragement some days! Cheers! And this, too, shall pass.
The Being Place
Any effort you make to quiet your mind and allow a Higher Plane of Consciousness to emerge will develop personal characteristics which will be abundantly obvious to you and those around you. These qualities will grow prosperity in every segment of your life. So how can you cultivate this connection?
- Acknowledge and Trust you have the ability to access this part of consciousness. Some people believe God is Out There and others believe it’s Within. Wherever you believe God to Exist, give yourself the Gift of Access.
- Choose a time each day to spend in the quiet. The ideal setting is one in which you aren’t multi-tasking. But if your schedule is so busy that the only time you have to reach out or in for God Consciousness is when you’re in the shower or on your commute, then by all means take that time.
- Pick a phrase or visualize a location which helps reduce your feelings of pressure. Imagine there are no deadlines for you to meet and there’s no agenda for you to accomplish.
- Breathe. Even if you think you’re breathing, take a breath to make sure.
- Expect nothing during this time. The fruits will become abundant over time and you will notice them more and more as you go about your Daily Living Experiences.
- Share what you do with others. Some may be receptive and others might not believe you. But speaking about your routine, will keep you committed to it.
- Enjoy Your Fruits.
When I was a little girl I played with Suzy. Everyday was a play date with Suzy as we ran up and down the stairs of the white farm-house where I lived. In all ways, she was the best type of friend a 6-year-old girl could have: she let me choose all the games we played, she always did what I told her, she never hurt my feelings, and I always got to go first.
Was it the skill of her parents that taught Suzy to be the ideal friend? Or perhaps, at 6 years of age, she was just naturally kind, selfless, and considerate? Neither. Suzy didn’t exist–at least not to anyone but me. She was my invisible friend.
Her invisibility didn’t make her any less real to me although my parents probably thought it odd to hear me talking to someone who didn’t answer audibly to them. As I became older, I transitioned from playing with an invisible friend to trying to make myself invisible. Clumsy and nonathletic, I held up my hands to defend myself during Dodge Ball hoping the football players would have mercy on me as they slammed the balls across the mid line in the gym. In high school, I signed up for algebra not realizing this subject was going to be explained to me by a fast-talking math whiz. As he rattled off questions to the class, I shrank down in my back row seat and looked away from the teacher so he wouldn’t call me. But no matter how much the teacher wanted to help me he wasn’t able to because I didn’t believe I could learn a subject foreign to me. Comprehending was invisible for me.
But like my friend, Suzy, the invisible is made visible once someone believes. It’s the disbelief that shrinks the possibility of what can be. Visibility is revealed in layers and for most of us our largest stage on which to appear is in the work arena. Some are overachievers; they work their way up the corporate ladder yet have a difficult time giving a hand to help the next person up the rung. These co-workers can be recognized by the way they snap at others or roll their eyes when asked for assistance on a project. Their inability to believe in abundance creates a protective shield around them with the end result of harm because they could help others but choose not to. They believe their achievement will ultimately be stolen by those they help.
But then there are people who work at invisible jobs but their gratitude for what is makes them visible to all they encounter. There’s the convenience store clerk who makes sure she styles her hair and puts on makeup everyday and sincerely asks everyone she serves “what else can I do for you?” When someone pauses for a moment to consider her existence and ask how she is, she responds: “fantastic.”
The difference between the two mindsets is the core belief within each. The former–despite her superficial success–believes there is lack and the other–within the humble position she holds– believes she has a special mission in the place she serves and she creates abundance where none or little existed. A core belief can be changed once someone makes the commitment to make visible the thoughts that have been invisible to them.
For 2017 what story will you believe in and act on: abundance or scarcity?
For a time I worked in an outpatient program for seniors. It was a special honor to work with these individuals who were willing to share their experiences with each other and to reflect on what they learned across their life. Here are a few thoughts I culled from my time with them:
Ever have one of those periods when you have a desire to be better than you are but you seem to be missing a key piece of the instructions and you just can’t seem to get it?
You know you’ve done the work: journaling, talking to trusted people, going to church or support groups. But you’re just not getting it. And from your point of view it feels like it’s getting worse.
Then, the next thing you know, your mood, mind, and heart are flipped over in the ditch in the journey known as life.
In relationships affected by addiction, it’s common to crash. You keep moving toward them and their addiction moves them away. It’s easy—and dangerous—to be tripped up on the invisible ice that builds from being powerless over another’s life threatening compulsion.
Then, when we find ourselves in the ditch, we’re tempted to spin our wheels because at least that is doing something. Instead of moving us forward, though, it digs us in deeper. It’s frustrating, discouraging and daunting.
So, what to do? Where’s the tow truck? Call Triple A. Awareness. Acceptance. Action.
When your efforts to improve yourself seem to be getting you nowhere or you keep slipping back into old patterns despite your good intentions to stop, then the best thing you can do is sit there and do nothing.
Yes. As counter as that is to this create a to-do list, fill in your planner, complete a bullet journal culture, when it comes to relationships affected by the illness of addiction, sometimes the best thing to do is wait.
So, what’s happening while you’re meditating? Many, many powerful things are occurring.
- You will grow in awareness of yourself and how you have been affected by others’ actions.
- You will process what is happening and not what you want it to be.
- You can dig through your glove box and make sure you have proof of insurance and registration in case the police arrive before the tow truck.
And, then, once all your things are in order, then you will be prepared to move on.
Resentments will stop building and disappear.
Love and compassion for the person affected by an illness will begin to grow.
Addiction takes up a lot of room in a family’s life and sometimes members need their space from others to heal.
And, that’s okay. While you’re waiting for the Triple A tow truck to get you out of the ditch, you can use the time to look at life from a different perspective and rid yourself of things that are tripping you up.
After all, that’s what ditches are for.
For more information about addiction, visit www.thebeingplace.net